It is difficult to admit how hurt you are because deep down I feel guilty, like it's a sin to be unhappy when you've been given everything. I know that this sounds a bit ridiculous, but tensions like bows and arrows pull our hearts asunder everyday, in the midst of great joy and great sorrow.
I've often been brought to tears thinking of Christ, hanging on the Cross in those last moments crying out, "My God, My God, why have You forsaken me?"
My God has not forsaken me. Rather I weep in Mass crying out silently to Him, "My God, My God, why have You been so good to me?" All those wounds hurt, but the good that caused them was so good that you are unable to regret it.
To paraphrase Walker Percy, having your hell during peace tears you; war being hell makes sense.
Falling in love with people we can never be with. I think that it's fairly safe to say that most experience this.
Over the years, my heart has really gone out to all those guys, all those girls, who so deserve to be loved, truly, and to love, truly. Their appearances or mannerisms may not make them as attractive as others. But nonetheless, they have unmeasurable value, indescribable beauty.
There should be a patron saint for ugly people because they love just as purely as the beautiful.
Where is the justice? Guys who I can't love back fall in love with me. I fall in love with guys who can't love me back. Why can't I love these beautiful people in the way they need? I cannot lie, and yet, my heart wishes that I might turn the "It Ain't Me, Babe," to "a lover for your life."
Restless. and ranting. because it really really hurts.
yours truly
